The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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