she woke up with a sticky ear
i was born a porn star she said
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
