dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
