Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
