She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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