I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
