she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
