omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you. Go after that dick
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize