Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
