I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
