Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
