hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize