Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
