im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
