It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
