I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
