I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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