What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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