Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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