Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
