I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
