i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
