I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
