you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
