i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
