she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
