Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize