Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize