Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
