and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
