What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
