Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
