Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
