I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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