im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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