i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
