sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
