i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We got so high we made milksteak
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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