You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
