Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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