Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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