i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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