I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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