a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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