it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
