ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
