Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
