Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
