a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
