I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
