apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
