I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
