McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
