we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never joke about your clitoris.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
