She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
