That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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