We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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