Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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