Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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