this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
