im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
