Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize