You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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