She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize