Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
