His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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