First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im about as happy as oj after his trial
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
