he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
