I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
