just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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