Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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