I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we made out on top of his cat.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
