I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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